Don't tell me I'm the only one....

Maybe it's all this snow....BUT.....Have you ever had one of those days where you feel your sanity slipping?  You wonder, who am I? Why do I yell at my kids when I'm frustrated with things that have nothing to do with them?  Why do I react the way I do? I want more from everything. Why do I want more? Is there more?

I'm not a savant...I don't excel at one particular thing.  I find myself good at a lot of different things but never excellent at one thing.  This comes to my advantage many times but disadvantage in the 'who am I?' department.  I consider myself a good Mom....but know I fail at times.  I consider myself a good friend but know that I can be hurt easily.  I find it hard to focus on one thing for too long and get burnt out easily.  I hate the thought of being 'not busy' but find myself being 'not busy' in search of what to be busy with.  (does that even make sense)  I find being an adult extremely confining.  I thought being an adult would mean all the freedom in the world but find it to be the opposite.  Being bound to the kids schedules, the husbands work load.  Bellies to be fed, diapers to be changed, dishes, laundry, vacuuming, toys to be picked up!  Once you think you've been a success for the day it all starts over the next day.  Some days have more ummmppph behind them, others have feelings of failure.  Is there more...who am I... Is 'jennie' still in there?? Again I find being an adult extremely confining.  Things I would like to say but can't because "I'm an adult".  Things I'd like to do but can't because "I'm an adult".  Places I'd like to go but can't because "I'm an adult", (with bills and responsibilities)!  Is it healthy to have these thoughts?  So I ask myself "what do you truly want Jennie?"  I want to be free from hurt, I want to be free from the scars, I want to be free from thinking I ever had these things in my life!  I'm tired of proving myself to people, I'm tired of thinking "What could I do differently!"  I'm tired of waiting for others to wake up.  I'm tired of waiting for others to apologize.  I forgive because I choose to be UNSHAKLED to their pain, to their hurtful behavior!  I have had more pain and hurt in my life that others know nothing about.  I don't need any more pain!  I choose joy, I choose to be happy, I choose to be grateful, I choose to laugh.  I choose to apologize when I'm wrong.  I choose to move on and find 'Jennie' again. 

So HAVE you ever had one of those days?  Don't tell me I'm the only one.....

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." Philippians 4:8